and then, the altar, and connie's hands on my shoulders
i begin to resist and clench my hands
and then, a demon with his hands/talons on my chest by the shoulders and doing all the rated-x things we know, and we aren't going to describe
and then, the choice
the change
and then, a white griffin, glowing light, takes place of demon
and lays on me and warms me and heals through the warmth
and licks me, like the mother horse licking the newborn's birth sac off it, licking wounds, licking for rebirth, connie saw that part
and then, even deeper
as connie moves to the side with hand on abdomen and womb
and i am uncomfortable with that
and i look at my fear
and i say 'i am a woman'
and grandfather yells, you are a fucking whore
and my body tenses again, like on the altar
and as i resist him, he fills my insides with all the nasty, hateful, sharp and burning things he can, and fills it so full i look pregnant
but, no, not this time
and i hear you, and i hear me, and i say 'no, here, you can have it; you can have it all
and i feel it begin to flush out of me, and i feel energy pushing from crown to toes pushing stuff out, leaving clearness and cleanness, no infection or cloudiness or swelling or hurt or nothing
and then
we are done
but i do not move for a long time
i ask connie if she is ok, too, because of the dark energy, and she says yes
and then i move to the couch
and connie gets water and a blanket
and i try to rest, as waves keep washing over me
and i am dizzy and weak, but i am alive
i rest under the blanket for about an hour before i walk home